WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Growing up we all imagine our lives, well perfect. Perfect children,perfect house, perfect husband. When finding out were pregnant, we all plan the perfect birth, homecoming for our newborns. We imagine forward in our children's lives, baseball games,dance recitals, college. What happens when things don't go as planned, we are often left with the vision of a less then perfect life. It has taken me a long time to get to this point to mourn perfection and appreciate what we have been given.

It is easy for people who have not taken the path that you have to tell you to move on. Easier said then done often. I believe that this is not possible unless you have experienced all of the stages of grief. Technically you are mourning what could have been and what you expected things to be.

When we approach someone that is going through a hard time out first instinct is wanting to remind them how much worse it could be. As a parent of a child with special needs, I hear this all the time. Believe me, as parents we thank god everyday that things are not worse. We are faced with the reality daily in school, therapy sessions and talking to other parents. There is one thing that is key to remember these other children our not ours, we have not had to mourn for them. Please allow parents to mourn what could have been. Mourn what they imagined and in their own time move on.

Next time when you feel the need to say "it could be so much worse" remember it really could be so much better. When someones mother dies, do we say it could be worse, your dad could have died also!!!!!