Wednesday, January 13, 2010

He really is!!

I have spent much of Mac's life waiting for the next shoe to drop. I remember the days early in his pregnancy and continuing on after he was born just begging for a simple answer "was he going to be ok" This was never an answer that I asked anyone for, and believe me there was enough people involved in his care to ask. I think my main reason for not asking was fear of the answer. We had many case scenarios dropped on us about Mac's future, none very pleasant. I had a secret line I would repeat every time we heard something negative "at least he is here, at least he is here" I lived most if his first three years of his life in constant fear. Fear of the unknown. For the longest time everything positive that we hear was always followed with a negative. His receptive language skills are extremely high, followed by how low his expressive language skills were. When Mac started school in Sept. we had no idea what to expect. I spent too many nights to count sick with fear. Fear about what we would be told.Kindergarten was a big event in my mind. I had spent many years hoping he would catch up and always telling myself he had so much time until kindergarten. This was some marker in my mind, and when it was time I felt like we had run out of time. I had some indication early on in the year that he was doing well, but waited and wondered, waiting for that shoe to drop. I literally lost my breath when the letter came home in the school bag with a time for parent conferences. Mark and I sat on those little chairs and waited, we said nothing on the way. We have had too many of these drives, and this was no different.

Out came the test scores and examples of his work. I had to remind myself to breath.
We were told very he was doing wonderful. Of course I asked wonderful for him or wonderful for a typical kindergartner. He was doing better then a typical kindergartner. I found myself questioning her, what about this and what about that. She looked at me in the face and said "Christa he is fine, and he will be fine!!" I realized then that no one had ever said that before. I had waited six years for someone to say this.I left the meeting,( after stopping at the book fair to buy the genius a new book)and cried all the way home. He is going to be fine, he really is.

1 comment:

  1. Better than "fine"! You have two unbelievable little boys who make me smile just thinking about them. All that anxiety, worry, and fear you talk about...that's actually a big-old steaming pile of love. And it's that love that turned those tiny, helpless babies into amazing little men!