Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Twas the night before thanksgiving....and I am

attempting to write a post about everything I am grateful for. I wish it was as easy as Mac's answer "he is thankful for candy" and actually very proud of it.

To say that the last month has not been easy would be an understatement. I kind of feel like we are at a crossroads of sorts. We have had to make a lot of difficult decisions and have reached some that we did not want have to reach. The kids have been sick and although it really is just a cold or virus, I think it sends Mark and I back to a place that neither one of use is comfortable.

Although we try not to place much importance on material things, when money is tight everything becomes harder. As simple as it sounds a Starbucks coffee can make the day a little brighter. I remember my days on best rest or the early days of the boys at home in isolation, a friend would stop by with a Starbucks. Was it the taste of the coffee or the feeling that OK I am not alone. I had the chance to pay that forward today. I bought a friend, a new mom a Starbucks coffee. Why do other mothers get this, because we all get having to lug the car seat out of the car into the store. Something so simple no longer seems simple. This is how I feel lately, life know longer feels simple. It really can be the little things that make the day so much easier and we really try to focus on this as a family. What I found myself facing many times this month the big things just completely took over the little things. I was so overwhelmed by life, I could not enjoy the coffee. Although I do not want to take away the importance of the little things,I think this year I need to be thankful for the big things.

It seems like a Hallmark Card to say I am thankful for my children, that's pretty much a given.

.. This year I am thankful for all the years that I thought I would never have a child, which makes having them so much more to be thankful for.

.. This year I am thankful for almost losing them many times in the beginning, making the fact that they are hear so much more to be thankful for.

.. This year I am thankful for the years we had to fight childless to keep our marriage strong, making the fact that our marriage is now so strong much more to be thankful for.

Because all of these things have opened my heart to love others. It has given me the bravery not to just look away (or down) when someone is hurting but to hold their hand and cry with them. It has given me the understanding to bring the coffee, raise the money, or wipe the tears, often my own. It has made me say "I'll pray for you" and then actually do it. I have been crying alot of tears lately and not because I am sad but more often then not they are because I am getting it and for that I AM THANKFUL....


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